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Scene IV.
A street.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPH. Fear me not, man; I will not break away.
I’ll give thee, ere I leave thee, so much money,
To warrant thee, as I am ‘rested for.
My wife is in a wayward mood to-day,
And will not lightly trust the messenger.
That I should be attach’d in Ephesus,
I tell you ‘twill sound harshly in her ears.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPH. Here comes my man; I think he brings the money.
How now, sir! Have you that I sent you for?

DROMIO OF EPH. Here’s that, I warrant you, will pay them all.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPH. But where’s the money?

DROMIO OF EPH. Why, sir, I gave the money for the rope.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPH. Five hundred ducats, villain, for rope?

DROMIO OF EPH. I’ll serve you, sir, five hundred at the rate.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPH. To what end did I bid thee hie thee home?

DROMIO OF EPH. To a rope’s-end, sir; and to that end am I return’d.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPH. And to that end, sir, I will welcome you.

[Beating him.]

OFFICER. Good sir, be patient.

DROMIO OF EPH. Nay, ‘tis for me to be patient; I am in adversity.

OFFICER. Good now, hold thy tongue.

DROMIO OF EPH. Nay, rather persuade him to hold his hands.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPH. Thou whoreson, senseless villain!

DROMIO OF EPH. I would I were senseless, sir, that I might not feel your blows.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPH. Thou art sensible in nothing but blows, and so is an ass.

DROMIO OF EPH. I am an ass indeed; you may prove it by my long ‘ears. I have served him from the hour of my nativity to this instant, and have nothing at his hands for my service but blows. When I am cold he heats me with beating; when I am warm he cools me with beating. I am wak’d with it when I sleep; rais’d with it when I sit; driven out of doors with it when I go from home; welcom’d home with it when I return; nay, I bear it on my shoulders as beggar wont her brat; and I think, when he hath lam’d me, I shall beg with it from door to door.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPH. Come, go along; my wife is coming yonder.

DROMIO OF EPH. Mistress, ‘respice finem,’ respect your end; or rather, to prophesy like the parrot, ‘Beware the rope’s-end.’

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPH. Wilt thou still talk?

[Beating him.]

COURTEZAN. How say you now? Is not your husband mad?

ADRIANA. His incivility confirms no less.
Good Doctor Pinch, you are a conjurer:
Establish him in his true sense again,
And I will please you what you will demand.

LUCIANA. Alas, how fiery and how sharp he looks!

COURTEZAN. Mark how he trembles in his ecstasy.

PINCH. Give me your hand, and let me feel your pulse.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPH. There is my hand, and let it feel your ear.

[Striking him.]

PINCH. I charge thee, Satan, hous’d within this man,
To yield possession to my holy prayers,
And to thy state of darkness hie thee straight.
I conjure thee by all the saints in heaven.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPH. Peace, doting wizard, peace! I am not mad.

ADRIANA. O, that thou wert not, poor distressed soul!

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPH. You minion, you, are these your customers?
Did this companion with the saffron face
Revel and feast it at my house to-day,
Whilst upon me the guilty doors were shut,
And I denied to enter in my house?

ADRIANA. O husband, God doth know you din’d at home,
Where would you had remain’d until this time,
Free from these slanders and this open shame!

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPH. Din’d at home! Thou villain, what sayest thou?

DROMIO OF EPH. Sir, Sooth to say, you did not dine at home.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPH. Were not my doors lock’d up and I shut out?

DROMIO OF EPH. Perdie, your doors were lock’d and you shut out.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPH. And did not she herself revile me there?

DROMIO OF EPH. Sans fable, she herself revil’d you there.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPH. Did not her kitchen-maid rail, taunt, and scorn me?

DROMIO OF EPH. Certes, she did; the kitchen-vestal scorn’d you.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPH. And did not I in rage depart from thence?

DROMIO OF EPH. In verity, you did. My bones bear witness,
That since have felt the vigour of his rage.

ADRIANA. Is’t good to soothe him in these contraries?

PINCH. It is no shame; the fellow finds his vein,
And, yielding to him, humours well his frenzy.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPH. Thou hast suborn’d the goldsmith to arrest me.

ADRIANA. Alas, I sent you money to redeem you,
By Dromio here, who came in haste for it.

DROMIO OF EPH. Money by me! Heart and goodwill you might,
But surely, master, not a rag of money.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPH. Went’st not thou to her for purse of ducats?

ADRIANA. He came to me, and I deliver’d it.

LUCIANA. And I am witness with her that she did.

DROMIO OF EPH. God and the rope-maker bear me witness
That I was sent for nothing but a rope!

PINCH. Mistress, both man and master is possess’d;
I know it by their pale and deadly looks.
They must be bound, and laid in some dark room.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPH. Say, wherefore didst thou lock me forth to-day?
And why dost thou deny the bag of gold?

ADRIANA. I did not, gentle husband, lock thee forth.

DROMIO OF EPH. And, gentle master, I receiv’d no gold;
But I confess, sir, that we were lock’d out.

ADRIANA. Dissembling villain, thou speak’st false in both.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPH. Dissembling harlot, thou art false in all,
And art confederate with a damned pack
To make a loathsome abject scorn of me;
But with these nails I’ll pluck out these false eyes
That would behold in me this shameful sport.

ADRIANA. O, bind him, bind him; let him not come near me.

PINCH. More company! The fiend is strong within him.

LUCIANA. Aye me, poor man, how pale and wan he looks!

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPH. What, will you murder me? Thou Jailer, thou,
I am thy prisoner. Wilt thou suffer them
To make a rescue?

OFFICER. Masters, let him go;
He is my prisoner, and you shall not have him.

PINCH. Go bind this man, for he is frantic too.

[They bind DROMIO.]

ADRIANA. What wilt thou do, thou peevish officer?
Hast thou delight to see a wretched man
Do outrage and displeasure to himself?

OFFICER. He is my prisoner; if I let him go,
The debt he owes will be requir’d of me.

ADRIANA. I will discharge thee ere I go from thee;
Bear me forthwith unto his creditor,
And, knowing how the debt grows, I will pay it.
Good Master Doctor, see him safe convey’d
Home to my house. O most unhappy day!

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPH. O most unhappy strumpet!

DROMIO OF EPH. Master, I am here ent’red in bond for you.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPH. Out on thee, villian! Wherefore dost thou mad me?

DROMIO OF EPH. Will you be bound for nothing?
Be mad, good master; cry ‘The devil!’

LUCIANA. God help, poor souls, how idly do they talk!

ADRIANA. Go bear him hence. Sister, go you with me.

[Exeunt all but ADRIANA, LUCIANA, OFFICERS, and COURTEZAN.]

ADRIANA. Say now, whose suit is he arrested at?

OFFICER. One Angelo, a goldsmith; do you know him?

ADRIANA. I know the man. What is the sum he owes?

OFFICER. Two hundred ducats.

ADRIANA. Say, how grows it due?

OFFICER. Due for a chain your husband had of him.

ADRIANA. He did bespeak a chain for me, but had it not.

COURTEZAN. When as your husband, all in rage, to-day
Came to my house, and took away my ring—
The ring I saw upon his finger now—
Straight after did I meet him with a chain.

ADRIANA. It may be so, but I did never see it.
Come, Jailer, bring me where the goldsmith is;
I long to know the truth hereof at large.

LUCIANA. God, for thy mercy! they are loose again.

ADRIANA. And come with naked swords.
Let’s call more help to have them bound again.

OFFICER. Away, they’ll kill us!

[Exeunt all but ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
and DROMIO OF SYR as fast as may be, frighted.]

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYR. I see these witches are afraid of swords.

DROMIO OF SYR. She that would be your wife now ran from you.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYR. Come to the Centaur; fetch our stuff from thence.
I long that we were safe and sound aboard.

DROMIO OF SYR. Faith, stay here this night; they will surely do us no harm; you saw they speak us fair, give us gold; methinks they are such a gentle nation that, but for the mountain of mad flesh that claims marriage of me, could find in my heart to stay here still and turn witch.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYR. I will not stay to-night for all the town;
Therefore away, to get our stuff aboard.

[Exeunt.]

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